viernes, 7 de noviembre de 2008

...on a jet plane

In the middle of a conversation, a good friend of mine asked: "Leaving? Where to?", and this came to mind:

I leave on a mission towards independence, but independence by conviction and not as a result of the circumstances.

I leave behind juvenile torments that at some point made my life much more difficult for absolutely no rational reason.

I leave unwilling to remain unheard, and though it costs me energy and a tad of sorrow, I think it's for the best.

I leave to time the destiny that I don't really believe in, but cannot prove inexistant.

I leave to you the uncorresponded love that you will never understand because in 42 years you've never loved anyone. It's no good to you, but I still give it in case they're all wrong and it does, in fact, matter some day.

I leave madly upset, just for a while, because at this point circular discussions make no sense. A little time, distance, and we'll be ready to rumble, but right now arguing about the present might just kill any sort of future.

I leave not so it won't hurt, but because it doesn't hurt anymore.

I leave aware that I cannot really leave, not entirely, but attempting to builds up character that'll probably help me get to other places.

I leave, then, with the certainty that I'll come back some day, but knowing that the situation will be so different that the outcome will spin 360 degrees. Even if I'll be back to 0, I'll be back to 0 with 360 degrees of experience.

I hope, dear, that, though exposed in a rather unclear way, your knowledge of me helps you to use this and answer your question.

jueves, 6 de noviembre de 2008

No one can say he or she has never felt pain. Wether it’s been fairly light or thorough or acute is not the question, the thing is it’s been there and we’re all familiar with it.

It’s a pretty abstact feeling that unfolds into a particular type of emotion – not always bad. It also makes us a little a lonely, uncomprehended and perhaps uncomprenhensible, but even if we acknowledge it pretty negatively, it’s actually a great thing: it pays the income of everything precious. Even if we wallow in self-pity and doubt as a result of it for a considerable amount of time, it’s frequently a root to knowledge because there’s no real coming to consciousness without it. It makes you see everything dark and with a slight sense of sick humor, but your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding and no one can really experience neither life nor the world without hurting every now and then.

So yes, pain is indeed necessary and I have absolutely nothing against it… but I must say it sure is swell when it’s not there.